Scene IV:
Peculiar Practices in Alberta Possibly Related to the Oil Boom

[Add setting]

NARRATOR: I went to the supermarket and a woman wearing see-through shoes shot her hand into mine and began dragging me into Meats. Susy was the name pinned on her white blouse.

I would have gone with her into Meats had not another woman, Rosy, taken my other hand and pulled me into Poultry. What’s that? I asked Rosy, and was told that was a machine for defrocking birds. Until then I had never known they did on-site plucking.

ROSY: “That’s a giant turkey,” she said when she saw where I was next looking. “It won the Founders Award. Are you ready?”

I wasn’t nearly ready but with practised aforeplay she corrected this oversight briskly. When we were done she said

ROSY: “They are expecting you in Bakery.”

NARRATOR: “Bakery?”

ROSY: “Lots of action in Bakery,” she said. “Dairy, Frozen Foods, okay too. If I were you I’d avoid Fresh Vegetables.”

NARRATOR: “Does this go on here all the time?” I asked.

ROSY: “Most days,” she said, “when we’re not in a panic. Do you remember those days when our nation was busy snatching furry creatures? In here, it’s often like that. We yank people off the street if we’re in the mood for sexual activity. It’s like those eighteen months down south when we had the Pony Express. Rush, rush, rush!”

NARRATOR: My fine white suit dissolved into ash in that long moment during which I could formulate no reply.

BEAUTIFUL BAKERY WOMAN: Bakery was calling. “Are you ready?” this beautiful woman shouted. “We don’t have a lot of time. It’s not like you got to know your Heidegger.”


Read on: Act II, Scene V »
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