Fabulous Fictions and Peculiar Practices

WORKSHOP SCRIPT

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THE PLAYERS

Artist / Cézanne
Art Critic
Bystander
Gallery-goers
God
Old Muse
New Muse
Partygoers
Torch Singer
Snap
Snoop
Voice

THE PROPS

Acrylic paint pens
Apple
Bubbles
Drop sheets
Muse-food creatures (gummy worms, stage blood)
Rose
Snoop's skiff (inflatable)
Tree (inflatable)
Tyvek suits
Upturned rusty bucket (upon which the Old Muse sits)


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THE SCRIPT

Written by Leon Rooke. Directed by David Ferry. Art by Tony Calzetta.

On the stage is an Artist, unhappily at work. He creates and violently discards drawings from a large sketchpad. Behind him, projected on a screen, we see his progress—or lack thereof. Frustrated, he flings his sketchpad across the stage and dozes off in his chair.


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The Artist (Tony Calzetta) frustrated, trying to sketch— to no avail.

The sleeping Artist begins to dream. He hears the sound of loud snoring coming (apparently) from back stage. In reality, the snores are coming from his own sleeping body, while he imagines himself to be the French Impressionist Cézanne. Believing himself to be awake, however, he gets up to investigate the source of the snoring. He lifts two drop sheets, revealing a bed made up of the bodies of cast members, clad in white Tyvek suits. Atop them is God, asleep.

God yawns and wakes, rising from the bed. The cast surrounds him, low to the ground. The Artists looks on, curious.


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God (Leon Rooke) lectures the Artist / Cézanne (Tony Calzetta) upon waking.

GOD

(accusingly, toward the Artist / Cézanne)

Let him who is without remain without
and him who is with
tithe me not ten
but twenty
to the dollar
and thus avoid
walking into open graves.

God repeats his speech, skipping words here and there, gradually becoming less coherent. The cast surrounding him circles slowly at first, then with increasing speed. As they do:

MEN

(chanting, low in pitch)

Let him who is without remain without

WOMEN

(chanting, high pitched)

Tithe me not ten but twenty

God and the cast are interrupted by blasts of trumpet and trombone, played poorly by two members of the cast. God continues muttering his speech as the two musicians follow him in a parody of a New Orleans funeral procession.


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Trumpet and trombone players follow God (Leon Rooke).

Meanwhile, Cézanne passes out acrylic paint pens to the cast, who paint each other's Tyvek suits with bold colours. Cézanne collects the pens as the Old Muse passes by, carrying a rusty bucket.

The Cast assembles in tight formation, rising en pointe and shuffling in place. As they speak in unison, they look directly at Cézanne.

CAST

Afternoon, Cézanne painting,
the muse sat contentedly on an upturned bucket,
not so far removed he didn't know she was there—
her face upturned also, dropping the morning catch


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Cézanne (Tony Calzetta) confronted by figments of his imagination in tight formation.

The Old Muse eats a large, wriggling gummy worm with gusto.

CAST (CON'T)

One by one into her mouth—still alive!—airy bubbles

The Old Muse blows bubbles into the air, grinning.

CAST (CON'T)

Floating up from her mouth as she chewed
Whimpers and shrieks,

Quiet shrieking noises made by one of the cast.

CAST (CON'T)

the crack of bones,

Crunching sounds, made by an empty plastic bottle.

CAST (CON'T)

licking blood from her fingers.


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"Something not quite right about that muse…" The Old Muse (Samantha Hancock) vacillates between seductive and disgusting in her attempt to inspire Cézanne.

The Old Muse covers her hands in stage blood, wipes them down her thighs and licks her fingers slowly, almost sensuously.

CAST

Cézanne's held breath:

VOICE

Something not quite right about that muse

CAST

Cézanne's lonely thought.

GOD

In the meantime Deedee had decided to have herself a party. She was heated up with wine and in dancing frolic.

Cast members laugh and chat, having fun. The women, wearing white bowler hats, push forward a young female partygoer, entreating her to sing. A slow, jazzy song begins to play.

TORCH SINGER

(singing, jazzy and slow)

The very grasses of the earth
The very hindmost moon in orbit
Love uncorked from a bottle
Art is the earth's heart and we're the sun

FEMALE CAST

(singing, upbeat, in the style of the Andrews Sisters)

The very grasses of the earth
The very hindmost moon in orbit
Love uncorked from a bottle
Art is the earth's heart and we're the sun

(repeated)


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Cézanne and the Old Muse party as the female cast sings in the style of the Andrews Sisters.

As the music continues, two tap dancers, a male and a female, put on a show while the rest of the cast cheers them on.


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Tap dancers (Brittany Banks and Greg Rola) put on a show.

When they finish, the music shifts to a variant of the can-can. An all-male line of can-can dancers strut across the stage. The music stops.


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Male can-can dancers.

GOD

The establishment being occupied by drunken artists, each of whom had witnessed his and her art riding the backside of … monks, mules, ye-owling cats …

Cast yowls raucously.

GOD (CONT'D)

erupted in joyous singalong.


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God (Leon Rooke) gestures as cast yowls.

Male cast members push Snoop's skiff, a large black boat, toward the centre of the stage while female cast members whisper and point. The cast snaps their fingers in unison, in the manner of the prelude to a theme in West Side Story.

CAST

(singing softly)

Along comes a boat!
Inflatables! Light!
Fancy dress! Hats!

As they sing, three painted sculptures on the back of the boat inflate.

CAST (CONT'D)

(singing)

Along comes a boat!
Inflatables! Light!
Fancy dress! Hats!

Female cast members take off bowler hats and throw them into the crowd.


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Cast members sing and toss their white hats into the crowd. In the background is Snoop's skiff ("the boat"). Inflatables designed by Tony Calzetta and built by Max Streicher.

SNOOP

Snoop! Protégé of Snap!

SNAP

Snap! Our landlubber boat in radiant sail!

SNOOP

Like those who see Mary weeping in some rag picked up from a ditch!

SNAP

Weeping!

SNOOP

In radiant sail!

SNAP

Hang Snoop! Hang Snoop in a museum!

SNOOP

Protégé of Snap!

SNAP

Weeping!

SNOOP

Uncorked! Setting sail!

SNAP

Give us ye-owlin'!

CAST

(loudly)

Ye-owl!

SNOOP

Give us spunk!

CAST

(bellowing)

Spunk! Spunk! Spunk!


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Snap (Leon Rooke) and Snoop (Jahlen Barnes) perform “Snoop, Protege of Snap” as Cézanne (Tony Calzetta) looks on.

As cries of Spunk! die away, the cast recreates two of Cézanne's paintings (Madame Cézanne in Red Dress and Cézanne in Black Hat).

ART CRITIC

(pretentiously)

I'm told this painter Cezanne pushes his art through the city on a barrow!

Gallery-goers titter and chuckle self-importantly.

ART CRITIC

Does he suffer epileptic fits? D.T.s?
A nutcase, like those others.

Cézanne and the Old Muse watch, offended, as the critics laugh at his work.

Gallery-goers move across the stage toward the first recreation—Madame Cézanne in Red Dress. A woman sits in a chair holding a rose, her hands limp, her face stern, her hair pulled back with a severe centre part. An image of the painting is projected on a screen.

ART CRITIC 2

(with an affected French accent)

Look, there sits the wife with parsed lips, decaying rose in limp hand, Madame Cézanne in Red Dress.

GALLERY-GOERS

(dismissively)

No, yes, no.

Cézanne, miserable, begins to look ill.

Gallery-goers leave the first tableau and proceed to the second. A cast member (a female, her hair tied to resemble a beard, or a male) wearing a black bowler hat. The second painting, Cézanne in Black Hat, is projected onscreen.

ART CRITIC 2

A self-portrait, Cézanne in Black Hat,
cinders flaring from sundry burnings.

Cézanne begins to clutch his chest in pain. The Old Muse leads him away from the Gallery-goers.

OLD MUSE

(desperate)

Let's go back to Aix.
Spurn these ignorant bastards,
never submit to that (garbled) Salon again.

Cézanne collapses.

BYSTANDER

Wait! What's this?
Man discovered unconscious
on road to Lauves.

The cast surrounds Cézanne, weeping. The New Muse straddles his body, keening—a sound both mournful and sensual. She undulates her hips. Discordant music plays.

The Old Muse leaves, climbing a ladder above the stage. She sadly watches, chewing an apple.

Cézanne awakes, brought back to life by the New Muse. God uncovers the ladder and inflates the apple tree. As it grows, the New Muse speaks. Slow music plays.

NEW MUSE

No mention made of the old muse

(crunch of bones, quiet shrieks)

mourning in the boughs of the apple tree
tearful there through the coming months
and on into spring

CAST

(singing)

On into spring,
when she becomes as one
with the blossoming

(repeated, louder)

As they finish, Cast points at Old Muse in the tree.


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The Muses illuminated: Old Muse (Samantha Hancock) fades into the blossoms of the apple tree as the New Muse (Tala Nazzal) inspires The Artist.

Finis.

Many thanks to Marc Glassman and the Pages UnBound Festival for hosting the Cabaret of Wild Culture, which featured a ten-minute presentation from Fabulous Fictions on Saturday, May 9, 2015 at the Randolph Theatre. Thanks also to Darlene Spencer and the students of the Randolph Academy for the Performing Arts, who dedicated, time, enthusiasm and talent to the project.

 

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The Porcupine's Quill would like to acknowledge the support of the Ontario Arts Council and the Canada Council for the Arts for our publishing program. The financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund (CBF) is also gratefully acknowledged.